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THE human challenge of sitting in a confined metal tube early in the morning with a group of strangers is a daily reality for commuters.
Here are 12 Melbourne train-going types you need to spot a mile away so you can avoid sitting near them and, most importantly, avoid becoming them.
THE KNEE-BREAKER
If you thought you were already packed in tight enough, meet the commuter who is now sitting down opposite.
Seven-feet tall with shins of cast iron and no sense of personal space, your legs are now being guillotined against the edge of the seat as the knee-breaker uses his height as an excuse to make your life hell.
BIKE GUY
Make way, everyone. It’s bike guy. While you gas-guzzling capitalists are driving to the station, this guy’s pedal power is saving the planet.
And to thank him for it, the whole carriage has to sacrifice two square metres of space and have pedals jab their shins near the door. What a hero.
This commuter needs to take a shower in Glen 20.
OL’ SMELLY
A strange combination of odours — cigarettes, fast food, body odour and mothballs — makes you wish this commuter had taken a shower in Glen 20 before embarking on the trip.
Depending on whether or not their own sense of smell has been completely eradicated, this might be a cunning plan to make sure they always have plenty of leg room.
‘CAN YOU MOVE DOWN, PLEASE’ LADY
Despite dozens of people being in exactly the same predicament in a packed carriage, the ‘can you move down, please’ lady believes her struggle is unique. Why is this happening to her?
I tell you why. It’s those people in the middle of the carriage. They’re not making enough room.
They’re not making enough room and they’re making her life hell and they’re doing it on purpose. Can you move down, please?
METH HEAD
Strange tatts, open wounds, overly cheery demeanour and bum bag. These are the traits of the meth head.
Often talking loudly to another of his kind and often disappearing as soon as the ticket inspectors board the next carriage, God knows what this fellow is doing riding the rails in the middle of the day. Of course, he’s doing meth.
INFURIATING SCHOOL KIDS
Such cunning you have ducking out of work early and avoiding peak-hour. But wait. Something’s wrong. You glance at your watch. It’s just before 4pm. Oh no.
Like the final scene from the film Deep Impact the train is inundated with school kids with ear-bursting screams, scooters and loud phones.
Before long you’re stuck in a corner involuntarily listening to their nonsensical conversations and shallow friendships.
Oversharing on a Melbourne train.
THE MEGAPHONE
No matter how sensitive the conversation or how packed the train, it doesn’t matter — this person just yells it as loud as they can down the phone.
Their best friend is going through divorce? You now know every detail. Their sister’s infectious illness is back? You know the prognosis and treatment intimately.
But as soon as their mate on the other end of the phone asks a stinging question like: “how are you going with the job search?” things change. “Yeah, I’m on the train,” they say.
EVASION SHAMER
Ready with their topped-up Myki as soon as the ticket inspectors are within three kilometres, this commuter takes delight in seeing fare evaders get busted.
Rolling their eyes as the ESL tourist mumbles excuses, scoffing as the underprivileged teen says he’s lost his concession card, the evasion shamer turns back to a crisp copy of the Financial Review with a wry smile when the action is over.
Look out for the commuter close sitter.
CLOSE SITTER
There are plenty of seats in the carriage, but there is only one seat the close sitter wants: the one next to you.
They want to face the direction of travel so it doesn’t matter that empty seats facing backwards are plentiful.
Like penguins huddling for warmth, you are now doomed to make this entire journey as a pair.
You don't need a mobile office on the train.
MOBILE OFFICE
Not only does this workaholic often take their work home, they also take it on their commute.
What an ace.
Juggling a laptop and loose paper on their knees, whipping red pen over those reports, cocking an eyebrow so other commuters know they’re a real high-altitude flyer.
Yet, hiding Candy Crush in their lap.
CARRIAGE HOPPER
To the untrained eye, all the carriages on the train look exactly the same.
But not to the carriage hopper.
They alight in a rear carriage, and after plying their sixth sense, can tell this carriage is not quite right.
Better change carriages between stations. And if the next carriage isn’t right, do it again.
Closely related to the ‘meth head’ and the ‘infuriating school kid’.
Don't Hulk-out over train delays.
THE INCREDIBLE DELAY HULK
This person seems completely calm for the whole journey. But then the train stops just outside Flinders St and the driver makes an announcement: “We’ll be here for about two minutes while another train clears the platform.”
That’s when things change. The commuter slowly turns pale. Then bright green. Anger bubbles up their throat and then spills out their mouth. They increase to four times their natural size.
They yell, bang their fists, threaten legal action against Metro, swear, tear off their tattered clothes, rip a hole in the side of the train and exit.
THIS COMES FROM THE HERALD SUN ONE OF THE MANY DIGITAL NEWSPAPERS I SUBSCRIBE TO. I DIDNT WRITE THIS.
RULES FOR RUNNING A SUCCESSFUL AUSTRALIAN TELCO COMPANY
09:28 Mar 26 2019 Times Read: 1,216
Rules for running a successful Australian telco
Mitchell Toy, Herald Sun
March 26, 2019 7:00am
Subscriber only
The average Australian spends 30 per cent of their life asleep, 25 per cent at work and the rest of it on hold to their phone or internet service provider.
To run a company with countless customers takes a certain ruthless indifference.
Here are eight tips for running an Australian telco and dealing with customers.
FIX BY BREAKING AND BREAK BY FIXING
The best technician fixes the primary problem by causing several secondary problems, most of which are worse than the primary.
If the internet’s getting fixed, the phone line won’t work afterwards.
If the connection is being upgraded, the whole thing won’t work after a couple of hours and the customer will wish they’d stuck with the slower connection because at least it was the internet.
Unless the customer is painting a black cross on their door to fend off your technicians, they are not doing their job properly.
EVEN IF IT WENT TERRIBLY, ALWAYS ASK HOW YOU WENT
Even if a customer is talking about hanging up and going straight to the Kmart homewares section to find a kitchen knife suitable for a rampage, even if you have ruined a family’s life through erroneous overcharging or service disconnection.
Even then, send a follow-up email titled “How did we go?”
Asking your customers to fill out a survey on your performance, as if there was ever a chance you were going to perform well, makes them think you’re listening and might even improve.
Fat chance, of course.
MAKE THEIR PROBLEM SOUND TOTALLY UNIQUE
No matter the problem a customer presents, it is better to act as if this is the first time in history this sort of thing has occurred.
“No, we’ve never had a single complaint about slow speeds on the NBN” or “This is the first time I’ve ever heard of anybody being overcharged by this company.”
The more the customer thinks their common problem is totally uncommon, the more they might think their own behaviour is somehow to blame — maybe they signed up to the wrong plan, maybe their street is a mobile black spot or maybe that missing $3000 was never actually there to begin with.
Eventually they might just learn to live with it.
A DIFFERENT PERSON EVERY TIME
In the early 2000s it was easy to palm customers off to robots who could understand them barely better than call centre staff.
These days customers probably wish they could speak to a robot if it means speaking with the same damn robot every time.
Telcos have thousands of employees, and the customer should speak to almost all of them before their issue is resolved.
If they really kick up a fuss, give them a case worker, but make sure that person goes on leave so the carousel starts again.
MAKE IT REALLY HARD
Life wasn’t meant to be easy, and it certainly shouldn’t be easy for your customers to insist you take action to fix their problems.
If we accidentally disconnected your internet, flick us an email.
If your phone line is down, give us a call.
If you’re deaf, we’ll leave you a voicemail.
If you’re blind we’ll catch you on web chat.
We can send out a technician some time between 3am and 3.30am.
With this smorgasbord of options flying around, it’s surely the customer’s fault if the problem isn’t fixed quickly.
WAIT TIME IS ATTRITION
On the trench-lined western front of WWI, the German defences were sometimes so unlikely to move, the officers put furniture and wallpaper in their dugouts.
That was, like customer service, a war of attrition. And the best attrition is keeping customers on hold.
Make them tell the problem again and again.
Make them recite their date of birth at least a dozen times.
Make them wait for a technician to be appointed.
Then make them wait for the technician to turn up.
If they don’t give in this time, the very idea of having to go through that sort of ordeal again with wither their chances of making a complaint in the future.
YOU CAN ALWAYS ESCALATE HIGHER..
Customers love it when they hear their problem has been escalated.
They think an important, experienced person is going to take the bull by the horns and really smash out a solution.
What a quaint notion.
The truth is escalation is the best way of saying “we’d like your problem to be fixed but not quite yet”.
And there is no practical limit to the number of escalations you can make, to make the customer feel like things are moving.
If it’s already been escalated to an action team, escalate it again to the team leader.
If it’s been escalated to the Pope, you can always escalate to God.
Think you can’t go any higher than God? Then you’ve clearly never heard if regional managers.
FINE PRINT IS YOUR FRIEND
If you printed out the fine print of every phone contract you’ve ever had in size 12 font on single-sided A4 paper and laid it end to end, it would reach Saturn.
The fine print should totally ensure that you can more or less do anything you want, charge for anything you want and make any excuse available when things go wrong.
You said we’d give you a phone. You never said it would connect to the internet. By the way, the customer’s mobile data bill is due.
I DIDNT WRITE THIS IT COMES FROM THE HERALD SUN NEWSPAPER ONE OF THE MANY DIGITAL NEWSPAPERS I SUBSCRIBE TO.
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE AUNTY
It’s 2am and while the city sleeps, this middle aged amateur philosopher is hitting share on anything with a sunset stock image and Monotype Corsiva.
Here’s something about purging negative people from your life.
Here’s something about cats being better than humans.
Here’s something else about purging negative people from your life.
With all this purging of negative people, it’s a wonder this person has any Facebook friends left.
Facebook-Inspirational: No room for negative people but plenty of room for breeding cats.
CAPTAIN DRUNK
It seems like this fellow takes any excuse to get drunk and any excuse to post to Facebook about it.
What’s that? St Patrick’s Day? Better get wasted.
Grand Prix Monday? Not traditionally anything special but hey, let’s get wasted.
Looks like the AFLW premiership’s coming up? Get ready for a boozer.
How does this guy afford all this alcohol?
When he inevitably demands a new liver, can’t the state reasonably refuse?
VEXATIOUS BRIDE
Just when you thought she’d posted enough wedding photos, here’s an extra 500-pic album for good measure.
But wait, today also happens to be the same day of the week the wedding happened. You know what that means. More pictures.
Something tells you there might not be the same level of fanfare around the divorce.
For the time being, even though you weren’t invited to the wedding, which was 10 months ago, you have no choice but to see it echo in time.
Facebook-Paranoid: Copy and past this into your status update or your eyes will fall out.
PARANOID PARENT
Every stroller recall, alarming food additive research paper, and news article about a missing interstate sex offender is posted with full caps ‘PLEASE SHARE TO PROTECT OUR KIDS’.
Every now and then they pop up on your feed with something like, ‘WARNING: Cut and paste this message into your status update before 11pm tonight or Facebook will legally be able to harvest your organs and sell your house.’
Then every now and then they just disappear from Facebook because they’ve read something about it being owned by the Illuminati.
POLITICAL BIFFO MAGNET
There is no chance this homespun political pundit was not expecting an argument when he dropped a comment about Trump, the wall, asylum seekers or integration of immigrants.
Either way an argument he’s got, and he seems to find himself having his life threatened on social media more than the average person.
He should give a rest or turn pro and move to Twitter.
DEE
Dees!
The footy season is coming up and the Dees are looking good this year.
This seldom quietly confident dee is getting ready to make sure you always know there’s a dees game on.
Without context there’ll be an ‘Amazing!!!’, ‘Finals here we come!!!’ or just a string of blue and red button emojis that leave you in no doubt: The Dees are up in the third quarter and this particular Dee is ecstatic.
HUMBLE FURNITURE MERCHANT
Hey guys, so, we’re relocating again, anyone want to buy this practically brand new coffee table?
A few chips and scratches. Leg missing but other three are fine.
Pick up only, in a part of the city that’s really hard to get to.
You’d better be quick because we’re moving on the weekend and don’t want to make another trip to the tip, thanks.
LURKER
With a profile picture from 2009 and a page as bare as Kmart on Christmas, the last thing that seemed to happen to this Facebook user was someone wishing him a happy birthday for 2017.
But if they’re part of a group chat on Facebook messenger, his avatar always pops up to show he’s viewed messages.
What a lurker.
Now and then he might come to the surface on Facebook per se to like a post, but usually the only thing likely to boost his activity is a hacked account.
I DIDNT WRITE THIS, IT CAME FROM THE HERALD SUN NEWSPAPER, ONE OF THE MANY DIGITAL NEWSPAPERS I SUBSCRIBE TO.
Cat Facts
Page 1
From "The Encyclopedia Britannica". All cats are members of the family Felidea. Interestingly enough, the cat family split from the other mammals at least 40,000,000 years ago, making them one of the oldest mammalian families. All cats share certain characteristics that are unique to the cat family. Cats are pure carnivores. They need a high level of protein in their diets - around 30% - and lack the digestive equipment to do well on a diet of grains, fruits or vegetables. In fact, if you were to design a creature to live from hunting mammals you would have trouble doing better than the design of the cat. If you know cats at all, you know that they have powerful jaws, long, sharp teeth, and claws that draw back into their paws when not in use. Cats hear extremely well. Their eyes are adapted for vision in dim light for hunting just before dawn and just after dusk, the prime hunting periods.
Don't be alarmed when your cats bring you gifts of birds, mice or other wild critters. This is a natural part of their gift ritual, and they do it to please you.
Cats purr to communicate.
Cats have five toes on each front paw, but only four toes on each back paw.
Cats have true fur, in that they have both an undercoat and an outer coat.
Contrary to popular belief, the cat is a social animal. A pet cat will respond and answer to speech , and seems to enjoy human companionship.
If left to her own devices, a female cat may have three to seven kittens every four months. This is why population control using neutering and spaying is so important.
Kittens are born with both eyes and ears closed. When the eyes open, they are always blue at first. They change color over a period of months to the final eye color.
When well treated, a cat can live twenty or more years.
Cats live 14 to 20 years, some 30.
Cats beat dogs for the #1 spot as the most popular pet in the United States.
Dogs and cats are color-blind.
If you sneeze whenever you're around cats, chances are it's not the cat hair that sets you off, but the saliva that remains on their fur.
Aspirin is poisonous to cats.
A smooth, shiny coat is the sign of a healthy cat.
Cat saliva contains a detergent that keeps their fur clean.
Dogs and cats that are not around people before they reach the age of three months seldom turn out to be good pets.
A cat cannot see directly under its nose. This is why the cat cannot seem to find tidbits on the floor.
The gene in cats that causes the orange coat color is sexed linked, and is on the X sex chromosome. This gene may display orange or black. Thus, as female cat with two X chromosomes may have orange and black colors in its coat. A male, with only one X chromosome, can have only orange or black, not both.
If a male cat is both orange and black it is ( besides being extremely rare ) sterile. To have both the orange and the black coat colors, the male cat must have all or part of both female X chromosomes. This unusual sex chromosome combination will render the male cat sterile.
Cats have AB blood groups just like people.
A form of AIDS exists in cats.
If you take kitten away from its mother before it is 8 weeks old, she may not have enough time to train it properly to use a litter box.
A healthy kitten has clear, bright eyes and clean ears.
A happy cat carries its tail upright, while a nervous one holds it down low. When a cat fluffs out its tail, it is to appear larger and scare off whatever is frightening it.
If your cat hides and then runs out and pounces on you, she is acting out her instinctive hunting ritual.
Cats act reserved because their ancestors hunted and lived alone. They did not live in packs and therefore depend less on others.
Cats' eyes don't glow in the dark; they only reflect light.
In relation to body size, a cat's eyes are bigger than most mammals.
Siamese coat color and crossed eyes may be caused by the same gene.
The color of the points in Siamese cats is heat related. Cool areas are darker.
Siamese kittens are born white because of the heat inside the mother's uterus before birth. This heat keeps the kittens' hair from darkening on the points.
There are many myths about cats. Check this page to see some of them discussed, and to find out the true facts.
Though rare, cats can contract canine heart worms.
People who are allergic to cats are actually allergic to cat saliva or to cat dander. If the resident cat is bathed regularly the allergic people tolerate it better.
Studies now show that the allergen in cats is related to their scent glands. Cats have scent glands on their faces and at the base of their tails. Entire male cats generate the most scent. If this secretion from the scent glands is the allergen, allergic people should tolerate spayed female cats the best.
Cats lick people as a sign of affection.
Cats do not think that they are little people. They think that we are big cats. This influences their behavior in many ways.
Cats are subject to gum disease and to dental caries. They should have their teeth cleaned by the vet or the cat dentist once a year.
Cats, especially older cats, do get cancer. Many times this disease can be treated successfully.
Most cats have no eyelashes.
Many cats cannot properly digest cow's milk. Milk and milk products give them diarrhea.
Cats lack a true collarbone. Because of this lack, cats can generally squeeze their bodies through any space they can get their heads through. You may have seen a cat testing the size of an opening by careful measurement with the head.
Cats with white fur and skin on their ears are very prone to sunburn. Frequent sunburns can lead to skin cancer. Many white cats need surgery to remove all or part of a cancerous ear. Preventive measures include sunscreen, or better, keeping the cat indoors.
Cats can get tapeworms from eating fleas. These worms live inside the cat forever, or until they are removed with medication. They reproduce by shedding a link from the end of their long bodies. This link crawls out the cat's anus, and sheds hundreds of eggs. These eggs are injested by flea larvae, and the cycles continues. Humans may get these tapeworms too, but only if they eat infected fleas. Cats with tapeworms should be dewormed by a veterinarian.
Cats can get tapeworms from eating mice. If your cat catches a mouse it is best to take the prize away from it.
There are tiny, parasitic worms that can live in a cat's stomach. These worms cause frequent vomiting.
Many people fear catching a protozoan disease, Toxoplasmosis, from cats. This disease can cause illness in the human, but more seriously, can cause birth defects in the unborn. Toxoplasmosis is a common disease, sometimes spread through the feces of cats. It is caused most often from eating raw or rare beef. Pregnant women and people with a depressed immune system should not touch the cat litter box. Other than that, there is no reason that these people have to avoid cats.
Cats have a full inner-eyelid, or nictitating membrane. This inner-eyelid serves to help protect the eyes from dryness and damage. When the cat is ill, the inner-eyelid will frequently close partially, making it visible to the observer.
You can tell a cat's mood by looking into its eyes. A frightened or excited cat will have large, round pupils. An angry cat will have narrow pupils. The pupil size is related as much to the cat's emotions as to the degree of light.
A cat is pregnant for about 58-65 days. This is roughly two months.
The two most common problems with cats are aggression, and refusing to use the litter box. Both of these problems are usually caused by social conflict among cats. To have the fewest problems, have only one cat at a time. The more cats you introduce into a house, the more likely you are to have difficulties with the cats.
If you have a cat and want to have another cat, it will be easiest to introduce a female kitten. An elderly cat that is alone, however, should not be bothered with another cat. Let it rest in peace. Bringing a new cat into a household is always very stressful for all the cats concerned.
Unlike humans and dogs, cats do not suffer a lot from loneliness. It is a mistake to project our social feelings onto our cats. Cats are social to a degree, but they are far more concerned with territorial issues than we can even imagine.
Purring: To purr, cats use extra tissue in the larynx (voice box). This tissue vibrates when they purr.
In ancient Egypt, killing a cat was a crime punishable by death.
In ancient Egypt, mummies were made of cats, and embalmed mice were placed with them in their tombs. In one ancient city, over 300,000 cat mummies were found.
In the Middle Ages, during the Festival of Saint John, cats were burned alive in town squares.
The first cat show was in 1871 at the Crystal Palace in London.
Today there are about 100 distinct breeds of the domestic cat.
Genetic mutation created the domestic cat which is tame from birth.
Like birds, cats have a homing ability that uses its biological clock, the angle of the sun, and the Earth's magnetic field. A cat taken far from its home can return to it. But if a cat's owners move far from its home, the cat can't find them.
Hunting is not instinctive for cats. Kittens born to non-hunting mothers may never learn to hunt.
Cats bury their feces to cover their trails from predators.
Mother cats teach their kittens to use the litter box.
Among other tasks, cats can be taught to use a toilet, come, sit, beg, eat with their paws, heel, jump through a hoop, play a piano, play dead, roll over, open a door, hide food in boxes, shake, and fetch.
Cats sleep 16 to 18 hours per day. When cats are asleep, they are still alert to incoming stimuli. If you poke the tail of a sleeping cat, it will respond accordingly.
In Great Britain, black cats are thought to bring good luck.
Besides smelling with their nose, cats can smell with an additional organ called the Jacobson's organ, located in the upper surface of the mouth.
Cats can't taste sweets.
The chlorine in fresh tap water irritates sensitive parts of the cat's nose. Let tap water sit for 24 hours before giving it to a cat.
The average cat food meal is the equivalent to about five mice.
The catgut formerly used as strings in tennis rackets and musical instruments does not come from cats. Catgut actually comes from sheep, hogs, and horses.
A large majority of white cats with blue eyes are deaf. White cats with only one blue eye are deaf only in the ear closest to the blue eye. White cats with orange eyes do not have this disability.
Neutering a cat extends its life span by two or three years.
Pregnant women are advised not to come in contact with cat feces, because it can contain an organism which can affect the unborn child and even cause miscarriage.
Ten human years translate to about 60 cat years. A one year old cat is similar in age to an 18 year old human.
If you have to break up a cat fight use a broom to separate them.
Cats land on their feet because they have a flexible spine.
Cats are attracted to the cave-like appeal of a clothes dryer. Always look inside before closing the door.
Most lively, active kittens grow up to be friendly, outgoing cats.
One female cat can give birth to as many as 420 kittens in her lifetime, amd each of those kittens can do the same after reaching maturity.
Cats sometimes have a hard time accepting a new cat because cats don't usually crave companionship in quite the same way a dog does.
Never let your cat use an old chair for scrathcing. Cats don't know the difference between old and new. Fabric-covered scratching posts even confuse some cats.
If your cat gets trapped in a tree, put an open can of her/his favorite food at the bottom of the tree and go inside. Most cats will find their way down within a few hours.
A cat's night vision is six times better a human's.
A cat retracts its claws by flexing its toes. This protects their sharpness and lets him walk quietly when stalking prey.
Cats have a vomeronasal organ behind their front teeth that heightens their sense of smell.
Cats born without tails genetically have a shorter spine and longer rear legs than other cats.
Most deaf cats do not meow.
Although milk is okay for kittens, it is not easy for an adult cat to digest. Cottage cheese and yoghurt can be more easily digested.
Cats eat grass to keep their digestive systems clean. The regurgitation brings up hair and other irritants.
A helthy cat's nose is cool.
Cats don't scratch furniture to get attention, they scratch to groom their claws.
When a cat swishes its tail back and forth, she's concentrating on somthing; if her tail starts moving faster, she has become annoyed.
Cats rub to mark ownership. They have glands on their lips as well as at the base of the tail just so they can mark their territory.
Only a mother cat should pick a cat up by the scruff of the neck.
Brushing your cat daily will cut down on hairballs.
A cat is but a small lion who socializes with humans.
Multi-colored male cats are very rare. For every 3,000 tortoiseshell or calico cats born, only one will be male.
Most cats do not like to be held by the shoulders with their hind legs swinging loose.
A cat's whiskers are actually sensory organs that provide feedback on how near objects are.
In England, the government owns thousands of cats. Their job is to help keep the buildings free of rodents.
Cats knead you lap because they're happy.
If you do not respond when your cat talks to you, it will soon lose the urge to communicate with you.
Some cats, males in particular, develop health problems if fed dry food exclusively.
A little vegetable oil daily will help to prevent fur-balls and bring a shine to your cat's coat.
Cats can rotate each ear independently, so they can hear noises from two directions at once.
Cuddle your cat.
The Cat family includes about 39 species of cat, ranging from the tiger to the domestic cat. Agile, athletic predators, all of them are excellent hunters. They combine speed and strength with a highly developed sense of sight and hearing.
Australia and Antarctica are the only continents which have no native cat species. It is believed cats were living in parts of Australia before European settlement, possibly escapees from shipwrecks or traders' boats where they had been employed to catch rats.
Cats have the best vision and in the dark their eyes become more like "Ears", the reason being that their pupils can pick up acoustic vibrations.
Cats have the ability to see color.
Cats are able to hear sounds that move faster than 45,000 hertz. They could hear the sound of a bat.
Kittens when they are born have closed ear canals that don't begin to open for nine to ten days.
When a kitten is born they are unable to hunt as this must be taught to them by their mothers.
The average cat food meal is equivalent to five medium-size mice.
Cats are unable to eat many things such as Chocolate, Tylenol, avocado, poinsettia, lily-of-the-valley, and morning glory are all poisonous and sometimes deadly to cats.
Cats can taste sweet things.
A can't will not eat its food if is unable to smell it. The cat has 17 million nerve cells in its nose, which are used to trace smells around its environment.
The indoor cat has a longer life span than an outdoor cat.
A one year old cat is equivalent to an 18 year old human.
Cats are able to find their way home using the magnetic fieldon earth, the sun, and their own biological clocks
Now I lay me down to sleep,
The king-size bed is soft and deep...
I sleep right in the center groove
My human can hardly move!
I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight
And here is where I pass the night
No one disturbs me or dares intrude
Till morning comes and "I want food!"
I sneak up slowly to begin
My nibbles on my human's chin.
She wakes up quickly, I have sharp teeth -
And my claws I will unsheath
For the morning's here and it's time to play
I always seem to get my way.
So thank you Lord for giving me
This human person that I see.
The one who hugs me and holds me tight
And sacrifices her bed at night.
BECAUSE I AM ONLY HUMAN
ITS SOMETIME HARD TO BE
THE WISE ALL KNOWING CREATURE
MY CAT ASKS OF ME.
AND SO I PRAY FOR SPECIAL HELP
TO SOME HOW UNDERSTAND
THE SUBTLE COMMANDS OF
EACH PROUD MIAOWED COMMAND.
OH LET ME NOT FORGET THAT CHAIRS
WERE PUT ON EARTH TO SHRED.
AND WHATI LIKE TO CALL A LAP
IS ACTUALLY CALLED A BED.
I KNOW ITS A LOT TO ASK
BUT PLEASE OH PLEASE TAKE PITY,
AND MAKER ME WORTHY OF MY KITTY!
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